Beware Excuses - Take Control

The "Wait Until You..." Crowd is Your Enemy

“Oh you’re married? Ahh that sucks. Aren’t wives the worst?”

…what?

I’d never heard so much negativity about getting married until I was about to get married. I had many thoughts about this “advice," but mainly, I thought, “What an awful and rude thing to say to someone.” And WHY would you only say that to someone who’s about to get mar… I digress.

Sometimes, I would hear comments like this from men who were WITH THEIR WIVES… I’m no therapist (or an attorney), so I’ll leave that to the professionals. But it made me think:

Why are so many people so quick to sew doubt and discontent among others?

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Some things about this blog may strike you somewhere that doesn’t feel very good. If that is you, then I encourage you to read until the end, as well as hear these words:

Whatever you think is hopeless or impossible, I promise you, you are capable of overcoming. That doesn’t mean its perfectly solvable - not all problems are. It is a fork in the road, and the path of strength is always available to those brave enough to walk it.

Beware the Negative People

You may have heard the phrase, “Just wait until (blank) because you won’t be able to keep all of this up then.” Sometimes, this phrase is posed as a question, and it can be a cautionary tale that alerts you to prepare for significant changes in your life. It's not always bad advice. But many times, it's a prescription. “Kids will ruin your life,” they might say.

If you’re like me, you’ll want to say (to that last sentence), “What is your problem?” or something snarkier… but it’s better to understand that those who would speak ill against some of life's most beautiful things have likely failed at appreciating and nurturing them.

Human nature often keeps people stuck in their realities instead of considering what might be possible. If they have a poor marriage, then all marriages are poor (or it’s just their spouse’s fault). If they cannot lovingly manage their homes and care for their children, then all children are an unbearable burden.

This brings us to a conversation about two types of struggling people:

1. The one who prescribes their struggles to everyone else

2. The one who learns from their struggles and takes responsibility to do better

The first type of person should be the last you become closely acquainted with. These people need help and guidance; maybe you can provide that for them, but be careful that their darkness does not corrupt you. The second type of person, who has suffered greatly but sees meaning in it, should be one of your closest advisors, especially when they find future success pertaining to the things that hurt them.

Then, there is a third way to struggle. Likely the most common of all, it is when people contain their struggles to themselves but become convinced that there’s just no way to ‘make it happen.’

“There’s not enough time in the day,” says the person with 3+ hours of screen time on their phone daily.

“I just can’t do it,” says the person who tried it approximately twice—last year.

“It’s just impossible…” to which you might say - “you say that word… I do not think it means what you think it means.” (Princess Bride, anyone?)

We, especially those in America, live in a culture diluted with comfort and distraction. It’s easier than ever to be comfortable, making it more challenging than ever to find meaning. Many people miss this, and some will turn into people who do not believe growth is possible. Other times, someone may become weighed down by life to the point of inaction.

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Take Back Control

Don’t let me get you too far dissuaded - The people saying marriage is horrible are a LOT more harmful to others than those who don't feel they have the time to exercise. But my cautionary tale to you is to make no excuse.

Life is a choice, not by its events, but by our response. We choose each day to get up and go to work because providing for ourselves and our families is very important to us. We choose to seek love because we want to be known and loved by another. We choose to distract ourselves on social media, games, or many other modalities. This could be for many reasons, but oftentimes it’s because we can’t stand being bored… We feel burdened by time and wish to forget altogether its passage rather than sit uncomfortably, if even for a single moment.

If that last sentence stings with a bit of conviction, you aren’t alone. Some of the things I write in these blogs aren’t just advice to others but also reminders to myself. It’s all too easy to blame others for our predicament… Blame the social media companies for making addictive algorithms that manipulate us. Blame big food companies for packing additives, sugars, and carcinogens into our diets. Blame work culture for taking up so much of our lives meant to be spent with families and friends…

Those are a few of my least favorite things in the world. I wish I could snap my fingers and change it all, but that’s not feasible. It’s not necessarily our fault that greed takes over the minds of men and women with power, but it becomes our responsibility to take control of our lives. And if you take nothing else from this blog, take this single sentence with you:

Whatever happens to you, even if it isn’t your fault, it is your responsibility to handle it and move forward.

Others can help you, and seeking help is strongly encouraged, but the ultimate point of progress, the responsibility to move forward, falls on you. Your life is your ship. You cannot control the tides, but you can guide your ship. Others may help you build your ship and even man your crew, but it is still your ship.

And beware, once you grab that wheel, it will fight back with ferocity. Your instinct will be to let go and be steered by the waters. Your passion and desire to steer through those treacherous waters must be stronger than the will of the sea. It is no small task, so holding on will not be easy. But it is never impossible. The sea cannot storm on you forever, just as the dark of the night cannot last beyond the sunrise.

Anyone can steer a ship through smooth waters, but it is the one who fears no storm who will cross the seas.

Finally, let’s revisit some of my least favorite things, all of which are powered by greed. “Wow, very encouraging, Tyler; you’re leaving us with a proclamation of man’s brokenness…” Yes, I am. Bear with me:

We often feel that these big ideas and the greed of the wealthy control us, and it’s easy to think that. But here’s the funny thing about greed: it makes men predictable. What happens if many people control their diet and eat healthier? What happens if many people delete social media because of exploitative algorithms? What happens if many people learn to live with less and take back their time?

Don’t blame the consumerist companies for the state of the world. They have given it exactly what it has asked for. Instead, grab your wheel and oppose the seas - they can’t sell to those who don’t buy. One day, we just might see the winds change.

Change your life, and on the way, you might help change the world, too.