Don't Kill Your Anger

Choose Wisely your Fuel, and Tame the Fire Inside

“All this time, I thought Firebending was destruction. But now I know what it really is; it’s energy and life.

-Prince Zuko, Avatar the Last Airbender, Episode “The Firebending Masters”

Week two of kicking my blogs off with a quote from ATLA makes me realize what a goldmine of wisdom can be found in a children’s show.

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What does anger mean to you? If I had to guess, it’s likely not a positive reaction. You may think of someone loud, offensive, maybe even violent… You wouldn’t be alone or necessarily incorrect in your views. An angry person is often viewed as a hothead who cannot control their outbursts. But my argument is that anger is not our enemy. Instead, it is what we do with that anger. Today, I want us to shift our focus from emotion to the subject of control.

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Fire has a peculiar dichotomy. It has been weaponized in various ways, has taken countless lives, and has destroyed many parts of the natural and constructed world. Given enough time, it burns through anything, and once it spreads, it becomes challenging to stop.

Fire is also the reason we are here today. It warms those who are cold at night, transforms raw nutrients into safer and tastier food, defends humans who learn to wield it from the beasts of nature, and serves as a light in the darkness. It may even provide a beacon back home.

Fire, left alone, will destroy everything it can touch. But if one learns to tame and control it, that person wields the most versatile tool man has ever known.

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Have you ever met someone Passionate about their job? Not because they have a thick bankroll doing it, but someone who loves what they do so much they could do it for nothing in return? They seem to have near-infinite energy for what they do. They love it. Something familiar between these people is that their work is never about them but others. My wife is one of these people. She’s a pediatrician in her first year of residency, and she loves what she does. Her love for it is most apparent when her patients are in the most need, especially when a patient’s health has been mismanaged. She’s usually a very joyful and bubbly woman, but when she sees a child being neglected, she gets mad. Not because she’s a hateful person but because she cares greatly for her patients. That care ignites a fire in her, and she uses it to advocate for the patient's health. That is the second trait these people share. Deny help to those they wish to give it to, and they’re coming after you.

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference” - Elie Wiesel

Anger is often our reaction to an abundance of emotion. This is why we become more angry with those we care about the most. This is why we can sometimes hate a job we love. These things aren’t contradictions. If anything, they prove what we care about. Now, don’t get me wrong; your husband or wife will not appreciate you constantly being angry at them as an “act of love.” Remember, fire that isn’t guided will burn the house down—But a well-controlled fireplace will keep the house warm.

As for your fuel, be careful to draw motivation from selfless desires. Doing so is like fueling your fireplace with choice timber, sustaining a healthy flame for a long time. To fuel it selfishly would be to pour gasoline into that fireplace. At such a point, your fireplace isn’t a furnace - it’s a bomb.

In closing, fire has burned down many things, literally and metaphorically. Angry outbursts are like fires leaping out of fireplaces, but that’s no reason to put out a contained fire. Emotion is human, and it’s a powerful tool. Anger is the spilling over of these emotions, but becoming too angry doesn’t mean we should stop being passionate. Don’t kill your anger — tame it. Give your fires proper fuel, keep them contained in their furnaces, and they will give you life.